What's Your Love Language?
Have you ever heard that everyone has a Love Language? If your next question is what is a love language then this might be a wonderful article for you! We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called 'love languages' - a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman through his long-time work as a marriage counselor. Here are some simple explanations of each to get a better understanding.
Words of affirmation - When words of affirmation is your love language, words build you up. You thrive on spoken affection, praise, encouragement, and compliments. Harsh words and criticism can bother you for a long time.
Acts of Service - Anything that your partner does willingly to ease your workload is a sign of love to you. You feel cared for when your partner vacuums before you get to it or makes you breakfast as a surprise. On the other hand, broken promises or laziness can make you feel unimportant.
Receiving gifts - When you speak this love language, a thoughtful gift shows to you that you are special. In contrast, generic gifts and forgotten special events have the opposite effect. This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic – it could be as simple as receiving your favorite snack after a bad day.
Quality time - To you, nothing says you’re loved like undivided attention. When your partner is truly present (and not looking at their phone), it makes you feel important. Failure to actively listen or long periods without one-on-one time can make you feel unloved.
Physical touch - Holding hands, kisses, hugs, and other touches are your preferred way to show and receive love. Appropriate touches convey warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Since February is known as the month of love, we thought you'd enjoy hearing our story about discovering the Love Languages and how we've incorporated them into our family time, even turning it into a game!
When the boys were little I read Dr. Chapman’s Book, The Five Love Languages of Children. Based on their personalities I decided that Dominic was “words of affirmation” and Christian was “receiving gifts”. Ironically, 15 years later Dominic was taking a high school class and they were having the students take the online Love Language quiz. In the book, it says that children can change over time but it was very interesting to see that Dominic was still Words of Affirmation!
After he took the quiz, I wondered if Christian’s love language would align with what I previously thought. Then it hit me…why not have the whole family take the quiz? Matt and I had never done it for ourselves, so we thought it would be a fun way to explore our own love languages, too. To add some extra excitement, we made it a guessing game, where everyone had to predict each other's love language. The quiz takes about five minutes, and we had a great time learning about each other's preferences and seeing how well we knew one another!
Matt loves going deep with people and spending time creating memories which made a lot of sense when quality time was revealed as his primary language. Matt for many years thought physical touch was mine since I love to hold hands but words of affirmation was actually my primary (physical touch was a very close second)! And we learned that Christian’s primary love language is quality time not receiving gifts as I had thought.
This was such a valuable exercise for our family. It helped us understand each other better, which has brought us closer together. We’ve learned that Dom and I really appreciate hearing positive words, while Christian and Matt enjoy spending quality time with others!
This doesn’t have to just be a family event. Wouldn’t it be great to do this with friends or colleagues? It can benefit a lot of different relationships in our lives.
In the spirit of Valentine's and spreading love, maybe you might enjoy taking the Love Language Quiz this month and sharing it with those special people in your life! Here’s the link to the quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved” - George Sand
With Love,
Christina & Matt
Matt & Christina are Team Skally, top real estate agents in the Seattle Metro with expertise in luxury homes on the Eastside including Bellevue, Newcastle, Mercer Island, Renton and Issaquah. Their client testimonials say it all - they deliver exceptional service and record-breaking results. Recognized as top agents on social media by Property Sparks, Diamond Award winners for best client service, Nextdoor’s Neighborhood Faves and regularly featured in online and print publications including Greet - Newcastle & Newport Hills Magazine. In addition to serving clients, Matt and Christina love family time with their two boys and two Goldendoodles as well as volunteering in the community.